I am sorry you had problems with your father, but you still didn't have as bad an upbringing as millions of other girls and boys, in this nation alone. Do you even have any idea of how many young girls have been and still are being both beaten and raped on a daily basis or how many are forced to carry their father's or uncle's or brother's child to term? You carry a great deal of anger and psychological help may be the only way you rid yourself of it and learn to live without such pain. You seem to have this "oh woe is me, I've suffered so much, much more than others" and you're letting that suffering rob you of any happiness.

I's your life and you're an adult and no one else can bring that upon you other than yourself. And I still pray that you'll one day realize how to let the past go and learn to love yourself; you are not responsible for what others did to you as a child and if you allow phony Christians and the admittedly severe upbringing to control your life then you will never find the peace of knowing God. It's your decision how you see yourself, not anyone else's.

God bless you.